Author Topic: quotable quotes!  (Read 881 times)

andy230

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quotable quotes!
« on: August 10, 2006, 02:30:25 PM »

'AltonTowers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine
my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.

Colin Hill


I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail
order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million
letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of
my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day
delivery.

L Palmer, London


With reference to Mr  Palmer's previous letter. I am also married to a Taiwanese
lady, but nobody ever asks me if she is a mail order bride. But perhaps  that's
because I am also Taiwanese. And we live in Taiwan.

Lo Chi Chang, Taipei


The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates
goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record
sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so
will I.

P Boddington, Ringway


Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding  pictures, but I'd just like to
remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife with no clothes on.
He hasn't seen my wife, so who's had the last laugh?

P, Leeds


Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian
wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?

Anon


Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland
ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed with
young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some faster cars.

T Barnham, London


Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and  Roger DeCourcey. What about
Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for
hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.

Mike Woods, e-mail

l

Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire  CD collection with the
exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that
when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.

Chris Scaife, Jesmond



I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly took
his own life". He may not have liked Dr  Kelly that much, but isn't this taking
gloating just a little too  far?

Dave Owen, Edinburgh



What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's
oldest mum? My  mum's 77. Beat that.

Thomas J


I'd like to congratulate the marketing geniuses responsible for naming the new
A1 motor racing championship. Now they have craftily secured pole position in
the Yellow Pages, surely there will be no stopping them.
Bernie Ecclestone will have to think again.

Aardvark Mansell



When I nipped into a  McDonald's to use their toilets the other day, I was
confronted by a spotty teenager mopping up vomit just by the lavatory. On the
back of his  T-shirt it said 'I'm Lovin' it!' Funny, but the poor sod's face
told a different story.

Tommo, Hull


SteveL

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Re: quotable quotes!
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2006, 09:55:51 PM »

'AltonTowers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine
my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.

Colin Hill


I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail
order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million
letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of
my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day
delivery.

L Palmer, London


With reference to Mr  Palmer's previous letter. I am also married to a Taiwanese
lady, but nobody ever asks me if she is a mail order bride. But perhaps  that's
because I am also Taiwanese. And we live in Taiwan.

Lo Chi Chang, Taipei


The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates
goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record
sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so
will I.

P Boddington, Ringway


Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding  pictures, but I'd just like to
remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife with no clothes on.
He hasn't seen my wife, so who's had the last laugh?

P, Leeds


Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian
wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?

Anon


Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland
ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed with
young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some faster cars.

T Barnham, London


Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and  Roger DeCourcey. What about
Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for
hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.

Mike Woods, e-mail

l

Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire  CD collection with the
exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that
when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.

Chris Scaife, Jesmond



I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly took
his own life". He may not have liked Dr  Kelly that much, but isn't this taking
gloating just a little too  far?

Dave Owen, Edinburgh



What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's
oldest mum? My  mum's 77. Beat that.

Thomas J


I'd like to congratulate the marketing geniuses responsible for naming the new
A1 motor racing championship. Now they have craftily secured pole position in
the Yellow Pages, surely there will be no stopping them.
Bernie Ecclestone will have to think again.

Aardvark Mansell



When I nipped into a  McDonald's to use their toilets the other day, I was
confronted by a spotty teenager mopping up vomit just by the lavatory. On the
back of his  T-shirt it said 'I'm Lovin' it!' Funny, but the poor sod's face
told a different story.

Tommo, Hull


Why is there only on monopolies comission....i think we should be told!